semi unemployed...

and not the least bit worried about it!

ever have a job you truly hated? that would describe my current (until friday) state of employment.

 i am currently working in a feed mill - i know, bad enough, right? - 

anyways...i have NEVER worked at a place that was more disorganized, under manned and with such screwed up priorities, than this place.

sooo... long story short - i have been there 6 weeks and since week 2, have walked around every day mentally practicing my "i quit" speech... and i have almost quit EVERY day since then. i'm not talking about an "i'm putting in my 2 week notice" speech - i'm talking "walk into the office and saying 

i'm done... right NOW

" speech.

3 days ago, i called a friend who does snow plowing and asked if he might have a job for me this winter... he said "possibly" - so i went to work the next day and gave my 2 week notice. sure, it's a gamble, but it's also a chance i'm willing to take at this point.

should i not happen to be working by oh, say december 5th or so
 - i will be re-enrolling in college and studying an as yet to be determined major. 

good or bad - smart or dumb... that's my plan. 

sometimes you just have to do what you have to do to keep your sanity and a feeling of being in control of your own life.

i also plan on trying to get into radiology school in the fall.

and finally, since there is only one person who reads this... i hope you are doing well - i miss our talks.

i think i may have lost my creativity...

whether it's writing or drawing...

i don't seem to have anything anymore - 

and i find that seriously disturbing!

you have to understand - i'm a doodler, a scribbler... a fairly deep thinker - and lately

 

I GOT NOTHIN' - AT ALL!

 

i want to draw, blog, come up with something creative for a facebook post even, but every time i sit down and try... it's a blank sheet of paper, screen, etc for what seems like forever.

 

the rational part of my brain blames it on the fact that i'm not working and have absolutely no social life at this point, therefore i really get no "stimulation" throughout my days - the irrational part of said brain blames it on age and a loss of "hope" per se...

 

anyways... i guess this is an attempt at getting back into the swing of things - and one of those rants i said i might post from time to time.

if you "listened", thanks... if not maybe i can use this a cathartic thing and kick my own-self in the ass and actually use it as motivation... we'll see what happens.

 

 

 

 

 

 

there may not be...

any more of these coming

i have no idea what to call this...

a tribute... ?

a pissed off rant... ?

an "isn't it funny how the world backfires on you" session... ?

maybe it qualifies as all three... you be the judge.

==============================================

now, what say we talk about a few things...

and let's start with the positive.

... as far as i know, there is only one person that reads this -if you still do- and i hope you know how much respect i have for you and how much our friendship has meant to me.

i'm going to miss you and our talks - you have been such a big help to me.

==================================================

now...

for the first time since 1982, i find myself unemployed and pretty much unable to support my family...

for what i feel is no good reason - because i did my job the way i was taught 17 long years ago.

you want stress... try being 46 years old and not be earning an income!

for as long as i can remember, my former employer has stressed "loyalty" and "second chances"...apparently they recently changed their thinking, and didn't tell anyone. 

fourteen total years... from the bottom of the barrel to the top of the heap, that pretty much sums up my "career".

help build the program, make great relationships with the people that they served, work overtime without compensation, answer phone calls in the middle of the night with a colicky baby asleep in the next room, use your own gas to look for runaways... etc,etc,etc.

 then... make one so called "mistake" and it's "see ya later" - no warning, no second chances, not even a "thanks, we couldn't have done it withoutcha".

===============================================

you know me... i did what they wanted, accepted the explanation given... (not gonna lie - i took the opportunity to speak MY mind before i took my leave -) but in no way do i understand the actions taken, regardless of the explanation i was given.

many people have done far worse than i did... were given second, third even fourth chances - again, i think the "loyalty" thing comes back into play here.

anyways... i'm sure there is still a lot still left to come out of this story, what and how it goes is yet to be seen... but i guarantee this - it won't be taken lightly or lying down!

 =====================================

closing statement... 

people that live in glass houses, shouldn't throw stones.

===================

stay tuned

nice guys finish last

I take absolutely no credit for the writing of this... I just feel it applies to me and the situations in my life.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

To every guy that regrets hurting or losing her.

To every guy who knows which girl he wants.

To every guy that's said, "You're beautiful."

To every guy that was never too busy TO DRIVE across town(or across the STATE)(or across the country) to see HER.

To every guy that gives flowers and a card when she is sick.

To every guy who has given her flowers just because.

To every guy that said he would die for her.

To every guy that really would.

To every guy that did what she wanted to do.

To every guy that cried in front of her.

To every guy that she cried in front of.

To every guy that holds hands with her.

To every guy that kisses her with meaning.

To every guy that hugs her when she's sad.

To every guy that hugs her for no reason at all.

To every guy who would give their jacket up for her.

To every guy that calls to make sure she got home safe.

To every guy THAT WOULD SIT AND WAIT HOURS TO SEE HER, EVEN IF THEY COULD ONLY SPEND A FEW MINUTES TOGETHER.

To every guy that would give his seat up.

To every guy that just wants to cuddle.

To every guy that reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what. And honestly believed what he said.

To every guy who told his secrets to her.

To every guy that tried to show how much he cared through every word and every breath.

To every guy that thought "maybe this could be the one".

To every guy that believed in her dreams.

To every guy that would have done anything so she could achieve them.

To every guy that never laughed at her when she told him her dreams.

To every guy that walked her to her car.

To every guy that wasn't ...just trying to get laid.

To every guy that gave his heart and still has a piece missing.

To every guy who prays that she is happy even if he is not the one that makes her that way.

To every guy who DOESN'T CARE HOW FAR AWAY SHE LIVES, AND WILL STILL DATE HER BECAUSE ITS HER.

To every guy who cares the most about how she feels, even when she breaks your heart.



This is one bulletin for you...

Not many girls appreciate nice guys anymore... And because of this, there are not many left out there...

but I happen to be one of them

"How To Have Sex With A Girl"

No, I have not decided to start writing pornographic posts... I have decided to share another story about my little man - who, if you remember correctly, is only 9 years old.

It all started on the way home from basketball practice. It was just the normal father/son chitchat... how many baskets he made, his scrimmage next Saturday, straight to the shower when we get home - etc. etc.

About halfway home, he asks me if he can put some "hip hop" on his iPod... to which I ask, "like what?". He replies "Black Eyed Peas... stuff like that." 

OK... no problem, right? 

WRONG!

"But dad, I only have like 72 cents in my account" he says.

Me, being a single parent, of course have a solution to the problem. Back in October, when his birthday is, one of his friend's mothers gave me the card her son forgot to bring to his party - which contained a $15 iTunes card. 

(Yes, I realize that it probably should have been in the house and spent already, but he opened the card the same day he received it, and left it in the console of the truck. I figured, it's his... if he wants it bad enough, he'll bring it in the house... right?)

So anyways... we get home from basketball and head into the house for bath time and whatnot, with him carrying the iTunes card in his hand. After a quick bath, we set about trying to redeem the card. As it has been a while since I've done this for him, we had a hard time remembering the process. If you've ever dealt with an iPod, you know that it can have as many home pages as you can fill up with apps, and trying to find one specific app can get quite frustrating.

Searching through all of these apps, I happened to find the "search"
 screen... keeping in mind the tender age of my little guy (9) - imagine my disbelief when I see his latest search query...

Yep, you guessed it

"HOW TO HAVE SEX WITH A GIRL"

Now, doing the kind of work that I do - not much shocks me when it comes to today's youth, HOWEVER, this is MY child we're talking about here!
Giving myself a little credit here... I think I handled it rather well and simply asked "Ummm, what exactly is this all about?" pointing to the screen.
Needless to say, all I received in response was an absolute look of horror and a tremendous crying jag, accompanied by him bolting from the living room, flying up the stairs and a slam of his bedroom door!

After the standard amount of time to allow him to "get it out of his system", we had a short conversation about his curiosity regarding the subject and for now, are just leaving it at this... "from now on if you have any questions regarding this, all you have to do is ask daddy."

I realize he is at the age where he and his friends are talking about it, seeing it on tv and hearing the songs on the radio...
but does he really have to grow up so fast, can't I keep my little boy for just a little bit longer... please????

homework anxiety, recess freak or conscientious student?

The teachers at my son's school, where he is in the third grade, have a little thing they do if a student forgets to have his/hers homework book signed, or they forget an assignment, journal, etc. - their policy is to take five minutes off of their recess.

As I'm sure you can imagine, this is a fate worse than death for a nine year old boy!
So, as he is getting ready for math class today, he realizes that he doesn't have his math journal and all he can think about of course is... yep, recess!

(Now if you knew my little guy at all, you would know that gym class and recess are the only reasons to go to school in the first place!)

Back to the story - as I said, everyone is getting out their assignments and journals, and he realizes he forgot his at home!

INSTANT PANIC!!!

(A little more back story before i go on... he tends to get VERY anxious when he makes a mistake or gets into trouble, even when it comes to the smallest things.)

Now, as I said before - he's just beside himself with worry over the journal and all of a sudden... he THROWS UP right in the middle of the classroom!

Now he can think pretty quick on his feet when he has to, and saw the perfect opportunity to not only get out of trouble for not having his math journal but to get out of the rest of the day of school!

I missed the call from the school nurse saying he was sick, but Grammie answered the phone and made the trek to pick him up, of course. On the trip home, he managed to continue the "sick" act, saying his stomach hurt. However... once he got home, all of a sudden he's a bundle of energy and shows no signs or symptoms of illness - I know, amazing, right?
After about 15 minutes of questioning, ranging from "are you feeling better now?" and "what did you eat for lunch?" to "was someone picking on you?", the magic question turned out to be..."what class did this happen in?" Lo and behold... it was math class and the journal was sitting on the coffee table from last night!

Now as the title of this asks... which of the three categories do you think he falls into?

As for me... I'm going with a little bit of all three - but feel free to make up your own mind.